MUST READ: Fighting Infidelity

 

I found this very inspiring article in PMNews and decided to share it. I hope you learn one or two things from it.

"Infidelity is a subtle monster that creeps into relationships when guards are down. It is true that in most cases, there might not be any obvious signs of cracks or trouble: you only realise the other party has been playing away with some kind of person outside the matrimony. They try to keep tap with usual family tempo or even step up in response so as not to induce any kind of suspicion but this cannot be covered for too long.

Once one or both partners start looking out and finding comfort in people other than their legal spouse; even a relationship that was known to be a safe haven starts to depreciate.

In most cases, couples do not plan to be unfaithful to their mate; circumstances, carelessness and ignorance could cause a slip. A strong desire to be appreciated, loved, respected and getting the assurance of relevance or attractiveness could cushion a fellow’s path to the arms of strangers. It could start from as little as taking a coffee break with a colleague, offering/accepting a lift at the close of work, sitting out in the pub to unwind, giving/receiving compliment, being supportive and generally finding a friend to talk to in trying times.

It’s so easy to form an emotional bond with someone you think pays attention to you. This is one of the reasons experienced lovers will advice never to walk up to anyone and first ask to date them-you start gradually. A story was told of an ugly looking guy who lived in a certain neighbourhood but turned out to be the envy of almost all the young men around. To their outmost surprise; this guy dated the best girls anyone could ever desire and he was really in control of the relationship and could also dump them for others at will. When asked how he gets through to the babes, he enthused “I simply make myself available to them first”. Making yourself available to people will walk you straight into the secret chambers of their emotion. This could range from doing something as simple as helping someone pick up fallen items, noticing and giving compliment about looks, offering a space or giving preference for attention. People naturally love to be treated with respect; it feels good to know that someone appreciates you. There is no lie in the saying that “you are vulnerable to whoever meets your emotional need”.

Unfortunately, most couples never intentionally thought of being unfaithful to their loved ones. Here is what Sandra B. has to say: “I know I love my husband very much; we have been together for a couple of years and raised four gorgeous children together. When his brother died from a sudden heart failure, my husband had no choice than to resign from his regular nine to five job to manage his business empire. This brought some changes to our closely knitted family life where we (the children and I) were always looking forward to his homecoming at the close of work. We would all sit together and have dinner or choose to eat out, watch telly, read and listen to stories and finally retire by planting warm kisses over each other.

With the new business; my hubby was travelling a lot more in a short time than he’s ever done all through the period we’ve been married. The trips were sometimes between four to ten days and this practically looked like forever to us back home; having to cope with not hearing the door bells at 7.00pm. The older kids helped tremendously but who can fill the vacuum created by a father’s absence? My nights were miserably longer; I would read myself to sleep but bouts of naps were not enough for health.

It hurt even deeper when he got so engrossed in his work and not remember to call at night. Yes, I was meant to understand but that does not solve the problem. I confided in Tonia (my close friend) and she advised I should enrol in some kind of women or fitness club that could help occupy my time and thought for most part of the day. It sounded a good idea and finding one was not a big deal. To be honest, joining the fitness club opened me to a brand new world I had no inkling of its existence. Members were so friendly and supportive that it was easy for me to decide hanging out with them for long. I definitely had a few folds to melt and listening to the testimony of members who started out just like me but achieved their goals within a short time was something very soothing to my anxious soul.

Two weeks into the club, I found my heart heavily skipping towards my personal trainer. The way he talked to me, made me feel really comfortable in my skin. I would purposely delay his evening calls and enjoy his calmness as he tries to find out how my day went and the things I ate or how I was able to stick to my eating plans. Days I would fail flat were my dread but his never condemning attitude lifted me to take another chance.

Our relationship stayed clean for months even though I felt butterflies in my tummy each time we talked or met; I controlled my emotion and acted as if nothing happened at all. I cannot say where exactly I lost it but I found myself telling him so much about myself than I should have done. He appeared to be an ever ready shoulder for me to cry on and his words were more soothing than what any balm could possibly offer. I savoured every moment we had and intimacy gradually surfaced.

My husband still had his place any time he came home; he was happy about my courage to work on my weight but he had no idea someone else was also working on his wife- what a tragedy! One day, he found a very romantic note from my trainer in my bag as he was reaching for my screaming phone alarm. He seized the note, read it privately and carefully thought of what to do with me. It was heart breaking for me to see him weep profusely; asking for my forgiveness and offering to make it up to me. I felt so stupid and ashamed of myself for stooping so low but I confessed to him I did not plan to hurt him or take retribution at his absence. It was not an easy time for both of us but we were able to survive it, supporting and caring for each other’s need as much as we could."
Word Credit: Aidy Thomas